Hearing the conversations of my employees is annoying. I hate hearing how shitty they react to certain situations. If I was the kind of manager that still cared about this kind of thing I would coach them– even though some of them are beyond help. They can only perform at the level at which they are. Sometimes it is easier to just let certain things lie.
The speed at which my mood shifts from common daily friction is remarkable. I can go from optimistic about life to certain and utter devastating deadly chaos in a split second. A lot of it comes down to respect from others and self-respect, or lack thereof. I am working on letting go of the attachment of these feelings and non-assignment of feelings to action in general. It is difficult. Finding the balance between caring and not caring is, at times, a big challenge. I would like nothing more than to put aside the petty Earth-bound problems of broken systems, failed processes and dipshit employees. But, I also need to pay my bills and provide a certain lifestyle for my family. Some days are easier than others.
Cannabis helps immensely with this dichotomy of life. The large bowl of multi-strain kief I smoked this morning before work will tie me off until about lunch-time. Needles to say, my interactions after lunch will be more frustrating. Maybe it’s the weed, maybe it’s my crazy brains. Most likely it’s a combination of both. Regardless it only highlights the fact that I need to be in a work situation and legal state that allows me to re-medicate after my meals.